Family Caregiver Vignette: “At Least One Prayer Was Answered”

Blog Post by Mike Brunt
Story by Linda, one of my wonderful Home Instead CAREGivers – (Become a CAREGiver)

Last week at the Washington County Family Caregiver Conference, I had the pleasure of sitting next to one of my wonderful CAREGivers, Linda. Over lunch, she told me the tragic story below. I asked her to write it down, so I could share it here.

This story simply and openly sheds light on a grim chapter of Linda’s life. But, I hope that through its sharing, other family caregivers will gain perspective and courage to do what is being required of them (specifically as it relates to getting enough support when dealing with angry care recipients who should not be driving).

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by Linda – “At Least One Prayer Was Answered”

In September 1996 my husband was informed on a Monday that his last day of work would be Friday because he would begin kidney dialysis.  So, for the next 7 years, I was his caregiver and took care of everything.  I had a full time job with a lot of pressure and responsibility.  I had to continue my job so we could have health insurance.  Just the medical bills for my husband were over ten thousand dollars a month.

Things were going along okay. Then, in January 2004, we had an ice storm and I asked my husband to either call and postpone his session at the dialysis clinic or let me drive him there.  But no, he insisted that he could drive there himself.  So, he took off for the clinic.  He pulled into the clinic’s ice-covered parking lot and attempted to get out of the car and go in.  He fell to the ground and couldn’t get up. He had broken his leg and didn’t know it.  He crawled from the parking lot to the front door and got the staff’s attention, and then they helped him in with a wheelchair.

He insisted he’d be fine and, “let’s just do the dialysis.”  So that’s what they did. After the session he was helped back to his car and drove home.  I had shoveled out our drive way while he was gone, so he could get out of his car and into the house without any trouble.  After he got into the driveway, he called me from his cell phone to say he’d fallen, and could I come out and help him in. As I was looking at his leg I told him we needed to go to the hospital.

At the hospital, the doctor explained that because of his medical conditions, they could set his leg and put him in a cast, but the chances of it healing were very slim. He insisted they cast him and that’s what they did.  He was prescribed some very strong pain pills, and before we left, the doctor told him he would not be able to drive until he was finished with his pain medications.

So, for the next 6 months, that’s when the really tough times happened.  Because he could no longer drive, I arranged my schedule to take him to his doctor appointments. I scheduled with mass transit to take him to and from his dialysis sessions 3 times a week.  The doctors didn’t tell me that this already angry, angry man was going to get angrier on this pain medicine.  He turned into the devil, and was always yelling, calling me names, trying to hit me, etc.

When I came home from the grocery store one day in June, he and his car were both gone.  I had hidden his keys to keep him from driving, and he must have found them.  I said my prayers, “please Lord, don’t let anyone else get hurt.”  The police called me at about noon.  He was heading out Highway 26 and crossed three lanes of traffic heading the opposite direction.  He crashed into a traffic pole and died.  I asked if anyone else was hurt and was told, “no.”  So, at least one prayer was answered.

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